Church Life
- Details
- Written by: Dale Appleby
- Category: Church Life
Conflict in the Church
Helps for Leaders
1. Conflict
Conflict is a part of human relations. It can range in degree from minor differences of opinion to murder and war. It is difficult to deal with when it becomes conflict between persons in church. This article outlines some of the sources or triggers of conflict in a church in order to aid understanding and suggests some strategies to deal with it. It is written to help ministers and other church leaders. Not all criticism or difference of opinion needs to lead to conflict. But sometimes conflict develops because of the issues, sometimes because of the people involved, and sometimes because of both.
2. Triggers
Loyal Opposition
This is a constructive difference of mind between people who are in a secure and loyal relationship to one another. It is like gold. Listen hard and strengthen these relationships.
Criticism
Constructive
From whatever motive the criticism is true or can lead to positive outcomes.
Cultural
People who want something to be like what they were used to in their previous church, family, country, town, marriage .... Or like another church/minister/event they value highly.
Doctrinal/Ecclesiastical
Differences about theology or church practice.
About Change
Some criticism is symptomatic of fear of change. It is coping with change that is the deeper issue rather than the presenting problem.
Performance
Are you doing as well as the previous minister, as people expect you to, as Moses or Jesus would do?
Personal/Family
Criticism of your lifestyle, your children's behaviour, your spouse's choice of clothes...
Anonymous Letters
These are usually hurtful, often slanderous and commonly wrapped up in spiritual or religious jargon. If you have to read them throw them away immediately, don't repeat their contents and don't show them to others. You may need to deal with the hurt caused (with your spiritual mentor or other helpful person).
Transference
Sometimes criticisms may be about something other than the presenting issue. Sometimes people wrongly put upon leaders the responsibility to meet various needs - to be a father figure, a perfect child etc. Sometimes they unconsciously confuse the leader with their spouse, parent, or employer - and transfer their anger, frustration, or sexual desire on to the leader instead of the appropriate person.
3. The People Behind the Conflict
Ordinary People
Most people involved in conflict are ordinary people who probably don't have a clear understanding of the process of conflict or even the issues being debated. They are well meaning and don't start off polarised. Some are the gatekeepers and proprietors of the church. Many are loyal friends.
"Professional" critics
These are people who perhaps have problems with authority figures; or who have major personal problems; or who have an exaggerated view of their own abilities or knowledge.
Trouble makers
John Simpson the General Superintendent of the Baptist Union of Victoria lists some characteristics of what he calls troublemakers.
* TM's are usually long term church members.
* TM's are mostly to be found in the leadership structure of the church.
* TM's, to their credit, are often very active in the life of the church but usually in areas of ministry where they have control over others.
* TM's are functional in their church involvement. They thrive on getting things done but in ways which have no regard for the effect on others.
* Many TM's come from a professional or business background.
* It is by no means uncommon for a TM to be actively involved in some form of para church ministry.
TMs are rescuers and controllers. They have a high view of their own abilities and insight, they network, see things in black and white and will gather to themselves the unsettled and concerned.
Not all critics are troublemakers.
Damaged people
Some people carry many hurts from past years. They have suffered at the hands of others, including church leaders, but the hurts have never been healed, nor the issues resolved. But all this is submerged. They present as able caring spiritual people, keen to help and active in church life. They are hard to pick at first. They will often begin in victim mode and having gained sympathy change to a focussed aggression towards the leader. Division is the normal consequence. But congregations can stand against them. They have most power in public meetings.
4. Handling Conflict
Recognise the power brokers
Each congregation has different power brokers. Not all are in positions of leadership. In fact sometimes the power is greater if they are not in any accountable position. Build relationships with those who influence others.
The Leader's Strength
The leader/minister may be one of the sources of trouble outlined in section 3 above. However to help a church resolve conflict the leader will need confidence in their call; in themselves; and in God. Such strength needs to be of the meek kind described in Philippians 2 and Matthew 5. Getting one's ego tangled up in the issues will certainly prolong and worsen the conflict.
The Leader's Weaknesses
The way the leader responds to criticism, or opposition, will make a difference to whether conflict develops. Sometimes the leader is insecure and defensive. When they have allowed their ego to become mixed up with their ministry, it is more difficult to be objective about what others are saying. Ignorance is only a weakness if the leader is unwilling to benefit from the wisdom of others.
Leading in a Team
Leadership is generally better done in a group. When conflict threatens this is certainly the case. Make sure you work with other leaders in the congregation to understand the issues, to work out strategies, and to build relationships with the critics. Working in a team means others will be able to communicate better than you with some of the opposition.
Conciliation responses
Thomas Fischer outlines 12 conciliation responses to conflict. The six healthy ones are:
•Overlooking the unimportant
•Discussion
•Negotiation
•Mediation
•Arbitration
•Church discipline
Submitting to Review
Allow your leadership team to review your ministry regularly.
Articles by Thomas Fischer and John Simpson are available here.
Dale Appleby 2000
- Details
- Written by: Dale Appleby
- Category: Church Life
Washing Feet John 13.1-17
This sermon is also available in MP3 format here.
|
He washed the dirty shoeless feet tenderly making them beautiful announcers' feet to cross the mountains.
What? Is this right? My Lord mastering the slave's role serving the students? He said, you can't come with me unless I wash you.
Was it really water, soap, perfume perhaps that washed those soles? He said it was the things he said that made the body clean.
But those clean feet would need another wash. But who would do the servants' job when he was gone?
He thought it should be done by others servants sisters brothers should keep each other's feet free from dirt.
With water? soap? perfume? perhaps the things he said would serve to keep announcers' feet fit to bring a message from this King.
Dale Appleby January 29, 2006 |
Dramatically Jesus gets up from the table, takes off his outer garment, wraps himself in a towel, takes a basin, pours water into it... You can see the conversation stop. All eyes are on Jesus. This is strange behaviour, totally out of place. As if the drama of the event is not enough, John has set the scene with heavy marks: the hours has come, Jesus is departing from the world, going to the Father, who has been given everything into his hands. He is in total control. He has come from God and is going to God. And even though the devil has his scheme - put into the heart of Judas - it is Jesus who is the divine Lord and Teacher who is close to the end of completing his love for his own. He explains to Peter that he will understand later what is being done. So now that we know, what do we know? What was he doing? The washing of the feet was how the disciples gained a share in Jesus. When Peter wanted to be washed all over he was told they were already clean (except for Judas), they only needed their feet to be washed. So the washing is connected to the being made clean (by the Word Jesus says in John 15.3). So is this act (which they are to follow as an example) just an act of serving, perhaps one of the explanations of the cross? Could Jesus have set the same example by doing some other menial act, such as serving the food, or clearing away the dishes? If the example for us is to serve each other in humility, then we can see that Jesus is preparing them for the time when some will assert themselves to be greater than the others. But this example does not teach great leaders how to serve the lesser members. This is an instruction for equals. It may be preparing for the time when service will be neglected (as it was that night - no one thought it important to wash feet). Perhaps Jesus wants all of them to share in serving. He may also have been preparing them for a time when collusional ministry developed. When those who wanted to be great were allowed to be, but were given all the work to do. In any case he is instructing them how to serve each other as equals, and he is giving them an example as someone who is not their equal. But what if the example is a specific action of cleansing? What if the example only works if it is about cleaning feet? If they are already clean because of the Word Jesus has spoken to them, why does he want them to keep on washing each other's feet? A clue may be found in Paul's instructions to husbands in Ephesians 5.25-27. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendour, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind-yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish." Perhaps there is an ongoing washing with the word which is to be done by all of us. Not the washing that makes us clean in the first place, but the ongoing washing that keeps us clean. James says a similar thing, "My brothers and sisters, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and is brought back by another, you should know that whoever brings back a sinner from wandering will save the sinner's soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." Jam 5.19-20. Perhaps the disciples who have been made clean by Jesus, need each other to help them stay clean. Restoring the one who is caught in a sin (Gal 6.1), teaching and admonishing one another as the word of God comes to life amongst us (Col 3.16). How will you help keep your sister or brother's feet clean? |